changes

It's October now and I feel like October, moreso than September, is the official beginning of fall. The season has changed, the weather is changing (or should be anyway...somehow it's still 100º), football has returned, and Christmas decorations are already on sale. So, with all the changes going on around me, I've decided to make some changes with my life and myself.

First off, I decided to change the layout of my blog. A waste of time some of you may think, but when I picked the layout originally I felt like I was settling for one that I thought was OK from the selections provided instead of one I actually liked. So after a long week of tests (I took my practical today), I needed a little no-brain-effort-required downtime and started searching through the endless sea of templates you can download on various websites. I think this one suits me more. It looks like a binder or notebook, which I have way too many overflowing ones scattered around my room, it's more my personality and colors (although I do like turquoise/teal), and when I saw this one it kind of reminded me of me. Anyway, I hope you like the new look. I might try changing it more often because it's very refreshing...like cleaning out your closet...another thing I should get around to, but probably won't for quite some time.

Second, I've decided to try to not allow negativity consume my life. Difficult, yes, especially with the constant stress that I am under and never-ending lack of sleep. But I think it is a change that I need to make in order to keep my motivation up. The other day I was overworked, under-slept, and frustrated. To be honest, I was on the verge of a complete breakdown. However, Dr. Wong (our therex professor) reminded us that this is a learning process, that many classes have gone before us and taken this same test, and last year's class had a 100% first-time pass rate on the board exams. The problem I had with that test was that I could get many questions down to 2 choices, both legitimate answers, but could not pick the better answer of the two. They are trying to get us to think about what is the best choice in a large pool of excellent choices. Dr. Wong informed us, sadly, that the rest of our careers are going to be exactly like that...having to pick which treatment option will be better for that patient and having to figure out which one is the best choice. We are learning, and they are shaping us into wonderful clinicians who constantly amaze other therapists out in the field. It's a painful road that we have to go down, and unfortunately, there is no detour. However, it is the end result that we need to focus on, instead of the little mistakes we make along the way.

Along those lines, I am going to try to believe more in myself and my capabilities. No, I'm not the top student in the class, but I'm in this program, I'm earning my doctorate at 23 years old, and I've earned the right to be here. It's ok to not be perfect (a lesson many people in my class need to learn), it's what I take from my mistakes that will make a better and bigger person. Everyone has different strengths. So I can't regurgitate every piece of information. What I can do, is build an amazing relationship with each and every one of my patients, and provide them with the best care that I am able to give them. And it's about time that I start having a little faith in my knowledge and skills!

Finally, I've decided to try to make more time for me. How I'm going to do this, I'm not really sure. Whether it involves going for a walk, no matter how hot it is outside and how tired I am, or simply watching an episode of Ellen with a Diet Coke in hand. This program is taking over my life, and while it is important to constantly be keeping up with my work, I need to remember to take care of myself. I can't afford to be so burnt out that I can't function. So I'm moving myself up in the priority list, at least one notch anyway.

These are little changes that I am going to start implementing immediately. Really only three things, although they are going to be big challenges for me. Besides, too much change would be more than I could handle. Oh wait, I'm believing in my strengths. So I just want to really focus on these things. Besides, too much change would eat into my "me time". :)

Anyway, I hope you like the new look of my blog. I hope that you still find this interesting. If nothing else, it gives me a place to vent. Maybe this will inspire some of you to make some changes in your life as well. Our lives and our bodies are well-oiled machines, but even the finest craftsmanship requires a good tune-up every now and then. And with that, it is time to start preparing for next weeks' multiple tests...possibly with a Diet Coke within reach.